1. Congratulations on reading the Terms & Conditions

2. Give yourself a pat on the back.

3. You can probably stop reading now.

4. There's nothing for you here.

5. Stop reading.

6. 2 peanuts were walking down the road. 

7. One was assaulted.

8. Geddit? Like a salted peanut.

9. This is why you should've stopped reading.